Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
