oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
