So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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