If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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