Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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