8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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