Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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