fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
