I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
