the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
