My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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