my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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