My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
