rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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