Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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