I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can I color on your dick again?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
