Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
