my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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