I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
