Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
