Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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