i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
