question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
