I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
