Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
