He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
