Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize