but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
