Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
