His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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