Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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