Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
