Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
