You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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