Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
