I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
