new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
