I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
