Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
