fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize