I smell stomach acid.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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