Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize