just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
