i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize