I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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