I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize