It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
