a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
