I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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