i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize