You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
