I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
