Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
