he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
