My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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