UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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