Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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