All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize