Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
