Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize