So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
this just has baby written all over it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
