I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
